Perhaps...

I got a little carried away.

Sometimes I just can't help myself.

It's these little Love Bugs...

They can really get to a girl.

I love me some cheeks & chub-en-tines...

And some little hoarders of the sweet stuff.

My little lady slayers & I signing out and...

Wishing ya'll a happy LOVE Day!

The Eleven Step Program...

11 Step Program for Those Thinking of Having Kids....

This is LONG-O badongo but, oh so hilarious. Thanks to my Bro-in-Law for sending this our way. Ry and I waited so long for our own little munchkins to join our family - we really should have been making progress on this program because training would have been hella helpful... Just Sayin'. :)

Read on - and Happy Weekend...

Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

IFF and only if you complete all eleven tasks and still yearn for children.... breed on. You're set.

Wardrobe Malfunction...

So guess what? My wardrobe has changed. Despite the many hours I have watched other Mom’s on “What Not to Wear” defend their changes in style due to their new found motherly duties and swearing it wouldn’t happen to me. It has happened.

Just today I was flipping through a new Boston Proper magazine that came in the mail and it was full of delicious spring things that I adored and then I actually edited my wish list like this,

Holy Fetch. Look at those white jeans and that black silk top. LOVE! Earmark this page. Wait. White jeans. NO, they would remain white until I removed them from the UPS plastic packaging that they were shipped to me in and then they would never be white again. Black silk top. NO. Goobers are attracted to black like metal to magnets and they show up within two minutes of serving breakfast at this house. I don’t know how. I can’t explain it, other than to say, black is no longer my mainstay and dang, I have a lot of it.

Gorg dangly bronze and turquoise earrings. YES – earmark. Birthday gift comin’ at me. WAIT. No. I love my earlobes too much to get those suckers yanked from them the day I get brave enough to put them on. Besides, ear injuries smell nasty and ya'll know that's true... gross, but true.

Hello perfection in the form of a stiletto sandal. I love you. I mean really, drool might have just puddled on the page your picture is on. But unfortunately, I would rather go barefoot than wear you down to Walmart with my 50+ pounds of babes in tow.

And you get the idea...

My name is Amber, and I’m seeking some blue jeans, some medium wedge sandals, a nice cotton tee with some fit and some stud earrings. Wow – I’m stylish. Some day my wardrobe will once again be crisp and clean and white and dry-clean only... but for now we're all about function and steering clear of the "mom jean".

Hey, before you judge, know that my outfits can trump a lot of peoples' because I’ve got two little "to die for" accessories... including this one...

Who knows how to get a "Shreat" from his mama, every time....

And this one...

Who is standin' up like the Big Man on Campus.

Take that Boston Proper!

Goodness Gracious...

Just had a GOOD day. Two little cherubs in the form of RyGar and Grandma arranged for the delivery and care of the babes so this mama could have several hours of uninterrupted cleaning time. HOLY CRAP - I love them both so much my teeth hurt. (Is that offensive to call them cherubs? Valentine's week is getting to me. Has nothing to do with their physical appearance, and everything to do with their angelic attributes, promise.)

Anyway - goobers are gone - this giddy Gardner girl just eliminated all of 'em by herself with the IPod blasting. Too much alliteration? Can't help it - that is how excited I am. I mean when was the last time you got to use the lemon oil on your wood furniture pieces? My point exactly. It was heaven.

Clean house - I heart you.

RyGar and Janice, my loves, you are rock stars.

Babies... let's pace ourselves on the slow destruction of mama's handiwork.

And maybe, just maybe, the next time I get a few hours I'll do something crazy like get my toenails done. But really, does anything beat a Pine Sol infused, sparkling abode?

Nope, Nada. In fact, I'm just sittin' here breathing in and out. Basking.

The Slag...

Well, we had a raucous Super Bowl party round here. The little men and the big man yelled at the players and guffawed at the commercials together. Really, Kaelster is a pretty good little shadow these days and he would do EVERYTHING that RyGar would do. Hilarious. My team lost - Ry's team won. And we didn't even notice the flub up during the National Anthem... is that sad?

And not to toot my own horn or anything, but I made a pretty great Super Bowl spread for my boys. Chili, Layered Bean Dip & Chips, Cheetos and Apples for the Babes, and Football Sugar Cookies all frosted with chocolate and white lacings. You can start referring to me as Martha anytime you'd like. :)

And now.... well, now we're in the "slag" of the road... a term I learned back in the day when I was a dedicated runner with my neighbors. You know, the part of the road that has loose gravel and is slightly slanted and isn't quite the dirt or the sidewalk? That's the slag.

Today, we're lookin' at running through some major snow dusted slag. Including, the crock pot that is still out on my counter top and the loads of laundry that someone brought home as a souvenir from Chicago, and the playroom that has been WELL played in this past week. It's all calling my name, so I've disappeared to the basement for the time being to take a peek into your lives and avoid the slag for a few more minutes... or maybe until nap time. Slag is more manageable without two little buddies.

Anyway, the slag must be tackled because we have some scenic routes planned for the weekend... It's gonna be an epic weekend o' love with our little family and I'm pretty stoked. May your Monday be merry.... slag and all. :)

What's Up Doc?

Not a whole lot, really.

It is so bone-chilling, disgustingly cold that the babes and I have kind of hunkered down except for the odd outing to the store and the Doctor's office.

We had nine and eighteen month well check-ups this week and I'm happy to report that I lug around 50 lbs of extra weight every day. Happy because 30 pounds of it is Kaelster and 20 pounds of it is Dax-Man. You would think I would have withered away into practically nothing by now but luckily I have chocolate to sustain me and keep me grounded. :)

In other news, we kissed RyGar goodbye today and we hugged him extra tightly because we're just not sure if he'll make it back out of the tundra called Chicago before - oh - May. Poor guy has to fly in to the windy and frozen city to meet the Irish Execs of one of his clients and I'm pretty sure they'll all be a tiny bit miserable in Chicago's ridiculous weather.

All in all, we're left with a lot of time in the play room.

And really, I haven't sung the play room's praises nearly enough. That little space is the happening spot in this house. The babies love it and from the moment they get up to the moment they go to sleep there are tens of trips up the stairs to our little primary colored mecca.

We even added a couple of stellar new toys lately including Bristle Blocks (which are awesome) and a thrift store find that is a little driving toy which I disinfected twice. I think I've established Big K's love of steering wheels, but if not, just know that Dax has yet to have a turn driving "the car".

And finally, Kaelster is down to one bottle per day and he asks for it by name after his bath every night. Dax is getting all four of his top teeth and leaves a trail of drool as he huffs it around the house. And I have caught up, for the moment, on the laundry.

So... as they say... ebb and flow. We're definitely in a flow 'round here. A nice, slow, winter flow that is only occasionally interspersed by the welcome rays of the sun and a little something out of the ordinary. I'll take it. Flow on, ya'll.

Crack Up...

Have you ever busted a gut at your own crazy self in the midst of a teaching moment with a kid? Literally, some times I think I have lost my foul mind. :)

I moved Kaelster's shoes to a basket on the bottom row of the changing table so he could grab his shoes himself. And he does it. The kid understands EVERYTHING we say to him, promise. Anyway, last night I asked him, "Will you please go get your shoes so we can go to the store?" And the little smartie pants came back with two shoes of a different variety.

Here's where I sound like a nut job....

"Oh, Good Job, Kael! Now, most people wear two shoes that match. You don't have to, but most people do. It's kind of a social norm."

He looked at me all puzzled and confused and I burst out laughing (and my little shadow did too as if he totally understood this hilarious joke). I guess for a mere moment I forgot he is 18-months and treated the little bunkin' like a college freshman in Psych 101.

I'm pretty sure he soaked it in though - and cached it away in the shadows of his mind. Heaven help his Kindergarten teacher when he pulls that baby out in a few years. :)