Last night in the dusk of the day, I set out to find my zen by way of the lawn mower. You guys, I do not kid: I had been hen pecked to nearly an inch of my life and as soon as Ryan showed up with Tacos from the Del for "Taco Tuesday" after another late evening at the ball field, I escaped.
Something about painting those nice straight lines in my yard finds me breathing more deeply and feeling control seep back into my skin. These May days are no joke. SO fun to see little programs, and attend award assemblies and listen to songs... and SO long and full of "stuff".
I am so proud of them. For the way they are growing and learning. For the "stuff" they're conquering. But my days are so immersed in the things happening in their lives that sometimes it's hard to find the place where they end and I begin.
Most days I'm so happy about that blurry - busy line. I am still so aware of all those days I prayed for the things I now have -- For these little handsome gents that make my heart beat wildly.
But every once in a while, when I have poured all of me into every facet of their day and then I hear them say, "Mom, can we get in the shower with you? We're cold." And I find myself in a corner of the shower fighting for a sliver of water stream to rinse my hair.... Whelp, that's when I head out and mow the lawn. To remind myself that this is a happy season that will be gone all too soon. That the entanglement of all of us is special and I must lean into it.
Mostly - I just feel lucky.
There isn't a single cell in my body that isn't stamped with love for them. Overwhelming, joy and happiness that they are mine for the time being...
I am so lucky that I get to watch them as they wave to me from the auditorium steps. Or see that medal be hung around their neck as they try unsuccessfully to suppress a proud smile. Or to witness them coaching and cheering for one another.
It's such a good spot to be in.
We've got another graduate on our hands and a couple who will soon follow in his footsteps.
And guess what? We done survived half of May already! :)
1 comment:
I wish I could gain serenity from yard work...unfortunately I hate mowing the lawn! This time of year is so crazy, but soon summer will be here and your days will be wide open and you can fill entire afternoons with absolutely nothing. (Also...You let them shower with you? H to the No...shower time is for sure alone time...or at least grown ups only ;-)
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