Four...

He is FOUR.

I remember what it was like when he was my only baby and really, my whole world. Before he was old enough to resist being held by me. Before I knew what a kind, real, unapologetic, athletic, sensitive, inquisitive, mechanical and silly boy he would become. Oh, how I love, love, love him.

His birthday is and always will be the anniversary of my motherhood and the motherhood of one other very important person on this planet.  And it takes an incredibly special person to make two people mamas.  

His birth day is the date my life hit a fast forward button and everything started to be insanely wonderful at a rate that was so rapid it feels like I'm sinking at mach speed into a blissful vortex of time and information. I never knew this was motherhood--watching life disappear into happy memories at a swiftness you can't control. It's a rush of so many sorts.

I sat in church with Big K the other week.  Just the two of us, while his siblings slept and RyGar and I played the "tag you're it" for this hour of church game.  And he let me hold him and rock him... a rare bi-product of the late block of church meetings and long hours in the sun... And his long, lean, muscled, little man body was so different from the little lump of banana meat it was when he was a newborn just a minute ago.  He is SO big. And so sweet.  And learning so much it is astounding.  He has this "all business" voice that he reverts to when he is explaining something that just cracks me up and at the same time is so fitting for such a little MAN.  

I hate that "four" sounds so different than two or three.  You know?  Like, he's FOUR.  He's got only a whisper of toddler hood left in him and zero baby at all.  But I love that he loves to be the big brother.  And four or not... he will always be our baby that was the start of so many miracles for our family.  

And OH, do I love that baby!  Heavens above I am lucky to have that sweet cheeked, toe-headed boy in my life.  Who told me, with fervor, "NO CLOTHES for my birthday Mommy... and I get to pick my cake at the Walmart."  :)

So four... you may come and stay a while, and we'll just soak you in the best we possibly can... like, let you marinate in our bones... but know that you're going to get booted out eventually, and replaced by some other ridiculous & impossibly big number... that will be better fitting for our biggest boy, Mister Horsepower himself, Kael the Great and Powerful.

Love you Kaelster.  Always have, Always will. 

HAPPIEST of all Birthdays!

.XO.